MenagerieWhat should have been left alone
What should have been left alone
November 29, 2011
November 29, 2011

Many fall prey to the capitalistic system of Hollywood – they turn everything into movies. Most go better than others, making old classics look better, cooler, and more awesome. Some contain the same plot as the original, while some have become so altered and distorted that the production nearly ruined the original, or just made it plain bad that you wished they left it alone. This is like trying to turn gold into diamonds, only to get crud in the end.

Three Musketeers (2011)
The new adaptation of The Three Musketeers can be perfectly described by the words of Milady to d’Artagnan: “You are very amiable, no doubt, but you would be charming if you would only depart.”
It is a very pretty cast to look at, and the entire movie could keep anyone entertained for an hour or two; but substance wise? It does not even compare nor give justice to the original. The story of The Three Musketeers is a classic, something that lives on and continuously entertains even someone who has read the novel a thousand times over. To some, it is shocking how movie producers take such great stories and do what some call: “butchering”, to make the movies supposedly better. Imagine a movie set during the 17th century that has water ninjas and sword fights on aircrafts.
Unfortunately, with substance taken away, the movie seems forgettable. It just goes to show that one should not mess with a good storyline – a classic.

Bewitched (2005)
Once upon a time, there was a lovely little show about a witch who married a mortal, and all the hilarity that ensued from that coupling. That story was an amazing classic, but in 2005, the plot of the once lovely show was spun around a few times until the story was too different, compared to the original.
Bewitched was a classic show back in the 60s; people from all ages, even until now, still appreciate its humor and storyline. Bewitched (2005) was just a catastrophe. It sold in theatres, probably just because of the promise of Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell in a romantic comedy together, and the thought that maybe it was reminiscent of the old, beloved show.
The plotline was scattered; it did not make sense. It was abundant with special effects, but lacked the one key element the name of the franchise promises: magic.

The Last Airbender (2010)
The trailer and the posters made us all excited for the live-action adaptation of Avatar: The Last Airbender. The visuals looked epic and the trailers also looked extraordinary; we did not care that none of the characters were Asian. We went to theatres to watch one of the more popular cartoons of today’s generation come to life, only to fall deep into the necropian abyss of crappiness.
It was not the mispronunciation of Aang’s name that hurts, nor was it the awkwardness of Caucasian main characters surrounded by Asian relatives, friends,and passersby, it was the awful storyline, dialogue, and character personalities that made the movie worth shooting in the toilet with other faecal matters.
The action and special effects were worth the wait, but the contents of the story, the dialogue that made you cringe, and the total butchering of what made the characters lovable and special made the movie one of the worst adaptations of cartoons the world has ever seen.

Dead or Alive (2006)
There are many things that appeal and excite people, primarily babes, boobs, and fighting. Even more so on the beach volleyball version. Staring at the beautifully created booties on those anime characters could burn out eyes and replace them with… more sensitive organs. As for the movie, burning out of the eyes is a better option than watching the entire film.
Much like every video game-based movie, it does not have any promising storyline, which is understandable for its genre. It is expected to be action-y and full of fight scenes. The movie, however, brought the promise of bringing to life the sexy, voluptuous and sensual ladies of the game.
The casting made it look like the producers just got a random Japanese girl, and random blondes to play the main characters, so long as they have relatively hot bodies. Bad plot—expected. Lacking heart racing action—expected.

A fairly odd movie: Grow up Timmy Turner! (2011)
Any person who was born in the 90s will say that Fairly Odd Parents was and will forever be part of their childhood. One could watch reruns of episodes they saw years ago, and still be entertained by it as if they never saw it before. Each and every episode is different yet, pleasingly predictable. Needless to say from the antics of Denzel Crocker to the wise moments of Cosmo, Fairly Odd Parents proved itself to be timeless.
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the live-action movie version of the cartoons, released early this year. The less than worthy acting of Drake Bell as Timmy, the bad special effects that made it look like it was made in the 80’s, the butchering of fan favorite characters like Icky Vicky, Tootie, AJ and Chester, and the awful plotline of the movie as a whole made the franchise look excessively tasteless. This live action gives the wonderful cartoon series a bad name.

Cat in the hat (2003)
Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss was published in 1957 and proves to be one of the most well-loved children stories of all time. Both stories would have been great if the motion picture business had left it alone.
Imagine Entertainment got the bright idea of adapting the novel into a movie, following the success of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. The movie was designed for children, or at least younger audiences, but contained horrible bright and contrasting colors and inappropriate humor. For a young person, the film may appear imaginative and even good but for a group of people who have been around long enough to know better, they are just rendered uncomfortable, thinking “Why on Earth did I let this child watch this?” Adaptations like this that would make the great artists who thought up the original plots of these movies demand extension of artists’ rights from beyond the grave.

Eragon (2006)
Eragon, the first book of the Inheritance Trilogy, may not be a classic epic novel, but nevertheless, it is an interesting work of fiction. The world of Eragon is a riveting tale of magic, dragons, unreal creatures and epic battles that have a The Lord of the Rings feel to it. It is not as good as any book George R. R. Martin wrote, but you have to give credit to a book that was written by a 15 year old. The movie, however, of this novel could be better off being made by a 15 year old.
The movie missed how epic the story should be. An example of this is Tronjheim, the stronghold of the rebel forces in the book. This is described as a vast fortress within the heart of a 13 mile high extinct volcano, and houses the entire dwarven nation. It is a totally gargantuan structure, massive beyond reason.
The movie depicted the place as a shamble of a fortress, fortified with spiked logs, and no dwarves. May it have been budget constraints or just plain laziness, the movie lacked the size and the impact of what the world of Eragon should be.
The movie also lacked to give the appropriate personality to the characters. Arya, the elf that accompanied Eragon, had a very strong, nonchalant and self-dependent kind of personality. In the movie, she was a constant damsel in distress, always smiling and relatively weak. It is not a mystery why a sequel did not follow.

Scooby Doo (2001)
Many of us grew up with the polyphobic canine to the point that we still remember the theme song of Scooby Doo; it is sad how one movie can ruin the experience of one’s entire childhood.
The star-studded cast brought much color to the franchise, which we once adored, loved, and enjoyed trying to become, but the storyline – not so much.
Apart from Mystery Inc. disbanding in the beginning of the story (thus destroying the essence of their unwavering unity in the cartoons), scriptwriters placed actual supernatural elements in the story, which deviates from the norms of the original show (everything is a sham set-up by the bad guy). And the worst part, they made the cute and adorable Scrappy, Scooby Doo’s nephew the antagonist of the movie. This, however, did not stop them to make asequel, generating far worse plots and storylines.