MenagerieHorror roommates: Of dirty laundry and even dirtier people
Horror roommates: Of dirty laundry and even dirtier people
September 16, 2018
September 16, 2018

From the most outrageous things they’ve done, to the most annoying habits they still carry, these “horror” roommates definitely deserve a moment of discourse, if not condemnation altogether. We got anonymous stories from people who have lived with the worst of the worst. Laugh or cringe; these confessions will make you glad you don’t share a room with them.



Elementary, my dear Watson

Anyone who has experienced living with another person has had to play Sherlock or Nancy Drew at some point in time. In this story, our contributor, Nikita*, returns to her condo after her usual weekend break only to discover a chocolate handprint —on her bed.

With her roommate as the only prime suspect, the first step Nikita took to was asking(a euphemism for interrogating) said roommate. A simple question and a lack of affirmation. The interrogation was a failure as the roommate answered she had no idea about the suspicious chocolate print. Still, Nikita listened to her hunches when they so loudly told her that the girl did know a thing or two.

But, dear reader, this case needed no more further investigation as it was considered solved as soon as it arose. The handprints didn’t match either of their hands and Nikita wasn’t a fan of chocolate. Here’s the clincher: Our particular roommate’s boyfriend had been at the condo when Nikita left for her weekend break. This night may have involved kitchen delicacies being taken elsewhere. Well, someone had a sweet time. Pun intended.

It doesn’t take a lot of brain power to deduce what the pair had been up to. To add salt to the wound, Nikita later overhears her roommate bragging about their “sexcapades” and how they had once broken Nikita’s bed in the process. Nikita may want to consider getting a new bed. Or a new roommate.


It’s raining socks

This next one puts a whole different meaning to “feeling under the weather”. It involves an unhealthy amount puns and dirty laundry, the nastiest pair of them all.

Living with other people is difficult, especially when the other party doesn’t care too much about neatness and common courtesy in general. In this story, our aggrieved contributor, Jude*, had the misfortune of not only living with someone messy, but sleeping under said roommate’s bunk bed. Typical living conditions were already bad enough. The despicable roommate was often leaving clothes around the unit and a mess to mop from his sloppy habits, but taking things a step further, one night the slob eventually involved Jude.

There Jude was, more than ready to catch up on his beauty sleep after a long week. As he yawned underneath their bunk bed and settled down into the sheets, he felt the weight of a small object land on his body. He glanced down and picked the object up—fingertips pinched around a used, smelly sock.

His roommate was as asleep as his snores were loud. The slob twitched and suddenly turned in his bed while Jude stayed unmoving in his. Then, wouldn’t you know it, another equally foul-smelling and grimy sock made its presence known on his stomach. Every time the roommate moved, more used socks would fall down from the bed! As Jude claimed, it “rained socks” all night.

After the unwanted shower of dirty laundry, Jude decided to move his bed away from his roommate we dubbed the Sock Stormcloud.


Crazy rich roommate

Buckle in! Because this next story by Shincha*, is jaw-droppingly wild.  

It was another usual day at the condo for Shincha, listening to his filthy rich roommate brag about his “sexcapades” and vices once again. This was old news for Shincha–nothing amazing. He had found out from day one of their room sharing, his well-off roomie received an astounding P60,000 per month for his living expenses. It was as if renting a unit with someone accosted that much within the area establishments.

With his huge allowance, this resulted in him being quite careless with his finances: The human wallet roomie got addicted going to bars and, well, doing what one usually does with a prostitute. In one instance, he proudly told Shincha about how he had spent P30,000 in only one night of sex and bar hopping. Adding another crazy story and seeming quite proud it, the roommate also bragged about how he had given a prostitute a large sum of money to fund her breast enlargement, as compensation to the promise that he was to “see” her again.

Even with an allowance larger than most salaries, the roommate’s real financial responsibilities outpaced him. He had realized how much he was using up in months and realized how much he still had to pay. Since he was still the golden boy in his ignorant parents’ eyes, asking them for more money didn’t open itself as an option.

At this time, Shincha barely stayed in the condo, choosing instead to sleep elsewhere, since he couldn’t stand his roommate’s incessant chatter. In a twist of events, Shincha returns, planning to get his clothes only to get more than what he bargained for. Thinking it would solve his massive money problem, his out-of-control roommate then frames Shincha of stealing cash that was kept in his drawer.

Not backing down, the roommate was adamant in pinning the blame on Shincha and getting away with it. It got so out of hand that Shincha’s parents, who wanted to intervene, were ready to bring the entire case to court and to the police in order to find out exactly where the roommate’s “stolen” funds went. Since Shincha knew exactly where (or rather, who) he was spending his money in and now Shincha’s parents did too,  this nasty roommate suddenly bails and disappears.

We may never know why. It could be because Shincha told his parents about it. It could be that the man was afraid of the legal consequences, but whatever the case, it seems like our resident bad boy hadn’t learned his lesson. Shincha sighs and shakes his head upon hearing from one of the roommate’s old friends that the crazy rich male had found a group of new friends with similar past times. We guess some people don’t change.


Till next time

This has certainly been one heck of a journey for both writers and readers. We think this article pretty much covered the scale of the mildly annoying to the near police investigation. We can’t wait until our next article to see what more of the nuances of the human condition bring to the table — or condominium.