The invisible trinity of the LGBT community

With the legalization of same-sex marriage in the United States last year and various Pride parades and movements being held here in Manila, it seems the LGBT (or LGBTQA, as it’s being increasingly called) is receiving stronger support from the general populace, and with it, a call for more accurate representation of the LGBTQA community in modern media. However, while there has been a surge in commendable gay and lesbian portrayals in recent times, there still seems to be a distinct lack of recognition for the other members of the LGBTQA community—specifically, the bisexual, pansexual, and asexual, or the ace, bi, and pan community for short.

Several people still possess misconceptions about these significantly less represented sexualities, both from within the community and outside of it. “It doesn’t exist”, “You’re not really queer”, “But you’re don’t seem that gay?” and “Can’t you just pick a side?” are just a few of the common accusations levelled at the ace, bi, and pan community.

Members belonging to these invisible sexualities yearn to have a voice and to dispel the notions that several people still harbor. Sexuality, after all, is a sensitive topic; and who better to explain it than some members of the community themselves?

A basis for love

Julie* (I, LIM-BSA) shares how she found out she was bisexual. “It was when my heart raced for [another] person, and coincidentally, she was a woman as well.” Bisexuality is when a person feels romantic or sexual attraction to both women and men, but not necessarily in the same way or to the same extent. It is perfectly acceptable to be more attracted to one gender than the other, but the important thing is that the attraction still exists no matter how minimal it is. “The thing that people need to understand is that bisexuals and pansexuals don’t see sexuality as a basis for love or interest. We see people as they are.”

“No, we are not attracted to pans,” Polly* (II, PSM), who considers herself a pansexual, declares when asked to clarify her sexuality. “You have no idea how many times I’ve heard that question. Like, no, we do not like kitchen appliances.”

The pan in pansexual means all, as in all genders. It means that pansexuals can find love with anybody, regardless of their gender, and certainly does not mean that they are attracted to the pans that we use to cook our dinners. “In my case, I find everyone attractive,” Polly explains. “I struggle to pinpoint who I like more actually. I’m pan, so how I like someone isn’t based on their looks or their gender, I base it on how they express themselves. I love passionate people no matter what their sex.”

Hannah* (II, MGT), who identifies as asexual, shares a similar experience. “Not a lot of people know about asexuality. I have to admit, when I first told my friends about it they were honestly confused. They thought that I was talking about plants or sponges in biology class,” Hannah amusedly recalls. “That’s not it at all. Asexuality is simply not finding anyone sexually attractive. Maybe asexuality’s just really hard to wrap your mind around, because modern society, especially the media, is so focused on sexuality. And then when I try to explain myself, I mostly get blank stares and something along the lines of ‘Is that even possible?”

Identity in sexuality

Sexual orientation isn’t limited to either gay or straight, but is instead a spectrum with several shades in between. But while people have accepted that homosexuals exist in the world (more or less), many still do not believe in the existence of bis, pans, or aces, with some skeptics actually coming from within the LGBTQA community itself. “Why do people think it’s either one or the other? Bisexuals aren’t ‘half-way’ out of the closet nor are we just [not yet ready] to come out as gay,” Julie questions. “If it’s possible for someone to like someone of the opposite sex and for someone else to like someone of the same sex, then why is it hard to believe that there are some people who like both?”

Polly recounts how hard it was for her when she first came out as pansexual. “You know how it is, when you come out as not straight, some people would immediately assume you like them just because they’re the same gender as you,” she says. “That is not the case at all. I don’t get crushes on everybody, I get crushes the same way straight people do. It’s just that I have way more options.” But this is not the extent of her woes. “Do you realize how hard it is for a girl to flirt with another girl? You could tell them that they’re cute and ask for their number but they’ll just assume that you want to be friends! No, I do not want to be your friend, I want to be your girlfriend!” she says humorously.

Hannah’s struggle, meanwhile, is in getting people to acknowledge that her identity is even real. “All too often, you get this closed-minded person saying that I’m just being naive, or worse, calling me a prude,” Hannah states. “I’ve had too many people tell me that I haven’t met the right person yet. Or that I can’t be sure I’m ace because of my age. Why? It’s so hypocritical. We have no problem assuming toddlers to be straight. So I’m too young to be ace, but apparently no one blinks an eye when a third grade boy has a crush on a girl? [Some people] don’t even stop to think about their double standards because it’s so ingrained in their minds to assume that everyone is straight.”

Questioning someone’s sexuality may not seem that insulting, but in actuality, you may be demeaning a part of their identity. After all, no one can define another person’s feelings, or lack thereof.

“My advice is: Don’t let anyone stop you from loving whoever and however you want. My sexuality never stopped me from having fulfilling relationships with my friends and family,” Hannah concludes.

Bi, pan, ace—the world of today is an ever changing kaleidoscope of identities. Ironically, and also tragically, sometimes the most colorful are the most difficult to understand, forced to melt into the background because others are too fearful of the different to peg them as anything other than unusual or unimportant. More hardships lie ahead for members of this community, but it might serve as a solace to them that although not many people may know who they are, there is something that they can’t stand to lose. “No one can take this identity away from me,” Hannah states with finality. “Even if I was the only person who was like this, I’d still be me. And I’m proud [of] who I am.”

*Names with asterisks (*) are pseudonyms.