Green Pulse: The top Lasallian modes of transport, if only they actually existed

With reports from Steph Pagdanganan

Picture this: you woke up way past your usually-reliable alarm and are running late for school.  You take the fastest shower of your life, skip breakfast and leap onto the soonest bus, FX or taxi and wish you could yell, “STEP ON IT!” and have the driver fly through the streets like something’s after you, or run like the wind all over the house, leaping over everything in your way, telling yaya and manong to, “READY NA THE CAR I’M IN A HURRY!!”  Finally, in the blessed moment of post-panic while the vehicle is cruising (too leisurely, in your opinion) on its blessed way to DLSU, you sit back… and stress out over how late you’re going to be.

Familiar, isn’t it?  Many an unfortunate Lasallian has been through this scenario.  The imaginative, however, may at that point already be wishing there was some other way to get to school… a way that is faster, instantaneous, and of course, free.  How do we come up with these downright miraculous modes of transport?

Why, from fiction, of course!

Literature and cinema have given us enough fuel for our daydreams of travelling by flight, through teleportation, or by similarly unconventional methods.  Piqued by this knowledge, The Menagerie asked around on the most coveted ways of fictional travel for Lasallians, and took it a step further: let’s say these convenient methods did exist; what would become of the typical Lasallian environment?  Well, look no further: The Menagerie has the answers right here.

Apparition (Harry Potter)

The clock is ticking and you realize that you’ve only got two minutes to make it to class on the fourth floor of SJ Building; not to mention you’re still in front of South Gate. You begin to panic because your professor is strict with attendance. You stop, then take a moment to concentrate with all your might – and before you know it, you’re already sitting on your assigned seat just before the professor comes into the classroom, like a boss. As in the Harry Potter series, Apparition is the quickest way to get from point A to point B, regardless of how far the points are from each other. However, it may not be comfortable for some, and it requires training and passing a licensure test from the Ministry of Magic.  Also, try to avoid Splinching, or the clinic is the only place you’ll be Apparating to for a while.

Hoverboards (Back to the Future)

It’s 7:30 am on a typical July or August morning, just after bagyo season.  It has stopped raining, but every mode of transportation seems to be working against you and the flood is still about ankle high – luckily, you brought along your trusty hoverboard! You start cruising in mid air, where there are neither crowds nor pesky water to drown your mood. You manage to come out dry and reach your class right on schedule, unlike your poor classmates whose socks are being dried in the restroom and are currently walking barefoot. It’s no wonder hoverboards are high on our list; they’re convenient and effective, plus they have the added “cool kid” factor akin to that of the familiar yet more commonplace skateboards.  Let’s not forget a hoverboard can be brought along with you as part of the Rich Kid (RK) look, unlike, say, a broomstick (although if the broomstick in question were a Firebolt, perhaps the same effect could in fact be achieved).  Be aware, though: we don’t advise using these when wearing a skirt, or if you’re expecting a good hair day. You’ve been warned.

Bubbles (Meet the Robinsons)

Imagine yourself floating in a bubble as you rush to school and then land on top of one of the buildings in La Salle, especially atop the Br. Andrew Gonzales Hall, where the lines for the elevator that go upward in the last wee minutes before zero hour extend to the nearest entrance and exit. After all, there aren’t many people entering the elevator from the top floor. As an alternative, one could take a bubble that engulfs a person and allows its passenger to float in the air until it reaches the desired destination like in the popular Disney movie, Meet the Robinsons. This form of transit avoids crossing paths with the typical rush hour congestions and does not emit carbon emissions. You can go sightseeing while traveling to school as an added bonus of being in your protective bubble. However, the downside of this option, as our friendly neighborhood CoS students will tell you, is that there is no distinct pathway for a bubble to travel. Since air is free space, one cannot help but dread what happens if there was a bubble up ahead about a few meters away from collision.  Also, there is the likely possibility of the bubble drifting from the breeze and you ending up a long distance from Taft, in any wayward direction.

Firebolt (Harry Potter)

Zigzagging through the closely-knit cars along Taft and zooming through hallways teeming with a never-ending supply of students, the Firebolt is one ride that will sweep your classmates off their feet. This piece of enchanted wood can go at an amazing speed of 150 miles per hour, or so says Wikipedia. Harrison Plaza, U-Mall, SM, Robinson – the world is your oyster, and with your trusty magical broomstick, you can amuse yourself during those pesky six-hour breaks – by sweeping the floor of Agno with your sweet 150 mph ride.  Parking is no longer a problem; all we need is a closet, really, and nametags on all the brooms.  Wouldn’t want to mistake a Cleansweep for a Nimbus, now would we?  As an additional bonus for those taking CWTS, imagine riding to your community on a broomstick (should COSCA allow it, of course) and giving your host family a little extra help with the dusty clean-up.  This versatile vehicle also doubles as a smash hit for your Halloween witch costume.

Teleportation (Star Trek)

Time is gold, and the longer you stay in traffic, the more time is lost for productive activities. As concerned citizens of this fair nation, teleportation will solve the problem of traffic – and, more importantly, empower students to wake up one minute before the class bell rings and still manage to appear, as if from thin air, on time. Trust us, this mode of transportation comes in handy, especially when your teacher calls out your name to write on the blackboard the homework that your dog ate *ehem* or getting you out of embarrassing situations like accidentally talking about how much you hate accounting without realizing that your accounting teacher was right behind you all along. If this had only been invented before.

Iron Man suit (Do we really need to mention where this is from…)

Black Sabbath is your theme song, and fireworks are your herald. You better make sure that your classes are at night, because the red and gold armor contrasted against the brilliant midnight-blue sky and the swirl of colors from the explosion of fireworks, combined with Angus Young’s heavy riffs as you swoop in on your Math class is enough to make any teacher rethink a 0.0. He’ll also take into account the fact that your ride is equipped with enough power to blast the entire Henry Sy building. And while your teacher’s monotonous voice drones out long and complicated mathematical equations which sound more like a eulogy for the dead, you can watch The Walking Dead or play Counter Strike instead and no one will know, since your armor will keep it private. We highly recommend this, but if you quote us – we’ll deny.

Flying Car (Harry Potter)

Last we checked, La Salle had a Centennial Tree, Bituin, and not a Whomping Willow, so this mode of transportation is pretty safe, as long as you have a driver’s license and a sober mind. You may laugh at the hapless mass of cars below you, doomed to an eternity waiting in a line that stretches to the end of the school for the passenger nearest the gate to alight from her vehicle. On the flip side, maneuvering skills should be acquired, as you will have to learn to artfully dodge planes, kites, the Gokongwei College of Engineering’s prototype helicopters, birds and – more importantly – their excess matter. Also, if you opt for a convertible flying car, the Philippine sun will be your worst enemy – though on the upside, parking won’t be a problem, especially if you have the 15th floor of Henry Sy or the 5th floor of SPS as your personal parking space.

The survey list results go on to include portals (much like Apparition minus the sickening jolt, really), roller coasters (for the daredevil – or simply the creative-inventor-searching-for-summer-activities – in you), and time travel (because who wouldn’t want to wake up at eleven and still get to class by 9:40?).  The sky’s the limit, and so is our imagination.  What matters, though, is that by hook or by crook the diligent Lasallian will make a way to get to school on time – and who knows; someday we may in fact come up with a quirky, efficient and totally out-of-this-world method of doing so.