Leaving the limelight

“When you feel like you’re on cloud nine, and you think you’re invincible, and all your problems go away. When, out of nowhere, you just feel like smiling, and feel like it’s the perfect day.”

This is how Marie Bernadette Tuason (II, MEM-BME), a former member of LSDC-Contemporary, describes the feeling of performing. The shot of adrenaline when she takes the stage, the rush of performing in front of an audience of strangers—it’s an experience like no other. For every performer out there, from singers, to dancers, to actors, to musicians, the feeling of giving your all in front of a crowd of faces is incomparable.

However, it rarely lasts forever. Often, for one reason or another, performers are compelled to leave their chosen art form behind for good. Looking at the lives of those who have been forced to walk away from their passion, whether by fate or by circumstance, it is important to ask: Is there a silver lining to be found in leaving the limelight?

Difficult decisions

Somewhere, in the depths of a performer’s mind and memories, there is the moment that started it all—a first violin lesson, a duet with a parent, a trip to the ballet. Whatever the moment, love for the art always sets the stage.

Ciara* (I, CAM), has had a passion for singing since she was young. Her mother valued the arts, enrolling her in ballet lessons, singing lessons, and guitar lessons, among others, but she recalls loving singing the most. “I felt like it was the easiest, and I was very tamad then,” she jokes. On the other hand, Marie recalls how, after seeing a ballet show, she would try to imitate the complex moves, like the pirouettes and grand jetes. Her mother enrolled her in ballet lessons shortly afterwards.

Still, life changes. Realities get in the way of passion, and time catches up and becomes hard to manage.

Marie joined LSDC as a way to relieve herself from the stress and pressure of academics. But when the time came to choose between her passion and career, the difficult decision was settled by a resonant declaration. “I entered La Salle to be an engineer, and so that is what I will become,” Marie asserts. She explains that she could not practice her passion and profession at the same time, and thus had to set her priorities straight.

Ciara says that while she still loves singing, she thought a little self-exploration was in order. “I cannot imagine not singing. However, coming into college, I [wanted] to be able to try new things, new art forms, [especially since] I’ve completed high school with four years of choral singing under my belt.” Despite being active in her high school choir, Ciara has decided not to audition for any performing group in the University. She is taking college as it comes—as a journey of discovering what she can do, and what her capabilities are.

The hardest and easiest thing in the world

Leaving something familiar is often intertwined with both good and bad. John Green once wrote, “It is so hard to leave—until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”

“Extra time is undoubtedly the first on my list,” Marie says, when asked about the positives of leaving dance. Artists don’t just perform and display their skills, they commit to train and hone them, some even staying past midnight in campus to perfect a piece. Marie now has more time for her family, friends, academics, and perhaps most importantly, herself. Time off from performing and training has allowed her to boost her CV with conferences and competitions outside the University.

Being free of her duties as a choir member, Ciara is now learning to be flexible, not just in her other passions, but also in her academics, finding that it is somehow easier to juggle term papers without rehearsals taking up her time. Friends have also allowed her to get accustomed to life as a non-performer. “Like, we eat sweets and cold stuff now. Before, I always took care of my throat,” Ciara shares.

Although quitting can mean more time and more freedom, it is still bittersweet. Marie shares how the most difficult part was not in leaving dance, but in being apart from her friends. “I left more than just a company… It was so hard to tell [my friends] that I’m quitting because it seems like I wasn’t just quitting on my passion, but I was also quitting on my friends,” she explains.

Although Ciara still wishes that someday, she can return to a life of singing on stage, she seems determined to move forward with her decision without regrets. Her focus right now lies in growing more and becoming more well rounded, as she explains, “Leaving has taught me a lot of things, [and] I don’t regret anything at all.”

One door closes, another opens

At the end of the day, both Ciara and Marie have grown and matured from their time away from the stage. Both still hope to return to the limelight, should they have enough free time, and should the right pieces fall into place. It is, after all, their passion—“Not something you can give up on that easily,” Marie mentions. However, in the meantime, the two young Lasallians are determined to look forward instead of back, and to make the most out of the opportunities that are currently ahead of them.

Perhaps, in this regard, leaving a life of performing on stage is not so different from walking away from any other passion. An athlete forced to leave their sport, a writer who must give up the pen, a student shifting out of their dream course—these are stories that occur everyday. However, maybe walking away from a passion, while heartbreaking at first, is simply a case of one door closing while several others open. The statement may be a cliché, but Ciara and Marie’s journeys reveal its truth. Being forced to leave what you love is difficult, but perhaps it is simply a detour into other, possibly brighter, opportunities and possibilities.

When asked to give advice to anyone who may be facing a similar situation, Ciara shares, “Let yourself grow and don’t give in to the pressure of conforming… Let yourself be you, and do what you want, because regrets really do haunt you.”

Marie adds, “You should be proud of what you did, because it takes great courage to give up on something you love, [but] remember that everything you [do] is for the betterment of your tomorrow.”

* Names with asterisks (*) are pseudonyms.