A cultural behemoth, that’s what it is.
There is no arguing how the internet and by extension, social media, occupies a unique place in our lives. Its ubiquity brings with it modes of communication and interaction that most take for granted, hiding in plain sight. For the internet is now so integrated in how we communicate and interact with others that it can be quite difficult to tell how it has changed our relationships with others.
As it stands, online relationships are now as intuitive and as commonplace as those born offline with either the anonymity granted by the internet being used as a great equalizer among many in niche, digital communities; or with the personality-driven world of social media and dating apps amplifying everyone’s most prominent traits and insecurities.
The authenticity of being sincere
With virtuality and simulacra being two fundamental parts of the digital experience, it isn’t a difficult jump to assume that our online identities are specifically curated for the platforms we use. There is an assumption that how people act online is different from real life, thereby subtly priming a duality between the supposedly more authentic “spontaneous” offline world and the more planned online world of filters, text, and memes. We want sincerity, but is it possible in an environment that prioritizes first impressions and appearances?
The nature of social media primes us to put our best face forward, but the oversaturation of perfection has swayed many to prefer authenticity. It is this push that is making our online interactions paradoxical. How can there be authenticity when there is an awareness of it? Does it then become manufactured sincerity? How does this affect our relationships with others?
Closer yet further than ever
Social media is a way for us to keep connected with others. Indeed, we are closer than ever to each other despite being further apart physically. It is much easier for some to interact with others using the filters that the internet provides. When asked how social media has affected how she interacts with people, Joanne Tung (III, BS-IE) says, “[You] can’t say its bad, though, since it is super convenient to talk to those who are far from you. But it feels like if I go through social media too much I forget how to talk to people in real life.” She admits that you have to take the positives and negatives that come with it.
Although social media has provided us with ways to more easily keep up with our relationships, sometimes this proves to be both a blessing and a curse. “It makes it easier to know what’s happening in other people’s lives and catch up,” Joanne explains and further adds, “But it also feels like the intimacy I could have with them will never be there…I already see what’s happening with them, so sometimes I run out of things to say or ask because I know their story already.”
Social media gives you the ability to filter and select which aspects of your personality to present to the world. Astria* shares that although she is able to connect with her loved ones more easily online, she filters what she wants them to see. “It seems like we let them see just a glimpse of our lives, most especially the good ones…I myself am guilty of this,” she admits. Online, she reviews the photos people tag her in before letting it appear in her timeline, stating, “I don’t want anyone to post things about me without me filtering it first.” Though she purposely does not view her crush’s stories on Instagram because she doesn’t want to appear as one of his top viewers, she admits to being mindful of what she posts because of him. “I really want to look good in my own stories knowing that he’s viewing mine, too,” she says.
Intimacy through the screen
Social media makes it appear as though everyone is closer than ever; the reality is that social media may provide a mere illusion of intimacy. However, some are testaments to the fact that relationships that depend mainly, if not entirely, on the internet are just as real as those with foundations found offline. Color-LES, an artist from the Philippines, has been in a relationship with Spring, an artist from Indonesia for seven years despite never having met offline. “We both met in an international art community. I think it would be hard to create such a community outside of the net. Building our relationship only through meetups and phone calls would’ve been costly,” she explains. And though they have yet to meet in person, to them, their relationship and love are undoubtedly as “authentic” and real as any other couple who started their relationship offline.
Some might say that social media and the internet has changed the way we interact for the worse. But, we can’t overlook how it helps those who have a difficult time communicating in person find their voice offline. “The internet made it easier for me to interact with friends and family. There was no need to maintain eye contact, face people, and look proper or anything when talking with someone, and that takes off a lot of the anxiety I get when communicating, compared when talking offline,” Color-LES says.
The internet of 20, 10, or even five years ago is an entirely different creature to the internet of today. What used to supplement offline life as a tool for business, academics, and maybe keeping in touch with others, has now emerged as a behemoth with a distinct culture, rules of etiquette, and community that has assimilated itself into a role completely integral within our urban, connected landscape. The internet has brought us closer. It has in many ways changed how we communicate online and that greatly affects our relationships in real life both good and bad—but what hasn’t changed is the desire to be in and enjoy each other’s company.
*Names with asterisks (*) are pseudonyms.
