To love is a fundamental necessity—one that is patent and true. It is what makes people feel at one with life, sparking light in the world even in its most hopeless corners.
But to love oneself and all of our parts as a whole is still the ultimate challenge. Each one of us interpret and manifest self-love through diverse spectrums; it can indeed be tricky to maneuver. And as we delve deep into this infinitesimal whirlpool, we swim with the current of what self-love is and eventually—maybe—understand ourselves more.
To love thyself is to accept thyself
“Self-love is accepting what’s good and bad about yourself,” says Patricia Isabelle Aguas (III, BSPSY). It is much easier to accept the parts we like about ourselves; sometimes it is truly difficult to accept our flaws—but it is possible.
“Nowadays everyone focuses more on ‘loving the parts that are good’, ‘treating yourself’, or ‘[letting] go of toxic people’, but sometimes we forget we have our own toxic [tendencies],” she elaborates. Though it is easy for people to overlook the parts people hate about themselves, it is still important to embrace it nonetheless. By accepting ourselves in our entirety, we can more clearly see what we can improve on to not only do better but to be better—that is self-love.
Loving oneself indeed cultivates self-acceptance. However, media has glorified the concept of self-love by presenting it as a way to escape from one’s responsibilities and to shy away from negativity. Rafi* (III, BSPSY) says that although it is necessary to take a break from our responsibilities once in a while, we can’t use that mentality to constantly excuse ourselves from actually
trying to improve.
She explains that self-love goes beyond the glamorous image social media has been pushing. “It’s more than just drinking wine in a tub with a bath bomb thrown in,” she affirms. Self-love is gritty; it is all about pushing yourself to get back up even when the urge to waste away seems too strong. “Self-love can be eating right, taking care of your body, and above all, acknowledging and accepting that you’re flawed.”
Let go and let yourself grow
The process of self-love can be jarring, no doubt, and the journey toward self-love may appear to be a hopeless undertaking. Learning to love oneself calls for the understanding that not everything turns out how we want it to, and that always blaming ourselves for things outside of our control is not healthy. “Self-love to me is being able to accept that there are things I can’t control—and not blaming myself for it,” says Stef Estillore (III, BS-ADV). It is choosing to be still in a world constantly on the move. Taking time to look at one’s surroundings—learning to stand still and seeing the best of things.
Self-love extends to cultivating a sense of calm and internal tranquility according to Daniel* (I, AB-ISE). He says that his method of self-love is giving himself time to calm down and motivating himself to move forward. “Self-love is acknowledging that my physical health is just as important as my mental, emotional, spiritual health,” he explains. Being calm helps him to let go of the things that anger and hold him back—and when one learns to let go, there is growth.
The constant desire to surpass and transcend one’s self is both an innate need and an ongoing process. However, it can also be harmful—pressuring us to do everything right in order to reach perfection. It is indeed inevitable to be stuck in a bubble of our own phantasms, but we must go at our own pace and not place unrealistic expectations on ourselves that could hinder
our growth.
A measurement of our true image
Indeed, for many people, the concept of self-love conjures a mélange of ways to express it. Self-love is, in itself, elusive and ambiguous. Yet, elusive as it may be—we keep trying. And although we have different experiences that give us different perspectives in life, how we manifest ways of loving ourselves casts a ripple effect on how other people should treat us.
Learning to treat yourself with importance is not being selfish. In the end, self-love is a stepping stone for what we truly want—to become better.
