Outside the four walls of the classroom, a bell rings—class dismissed. Time for students to go home and see about their school assignments and extra-curricular work. Some may be worried about which essay to write first, or which math problem to solve for later; others may be fretting over what to prepare for the family dinner, or how many dishes and pans they have to wash afterwards; for student mothers, it is all of the above, and more.
A balancing act
While being a student may already entail a lot of sleepless nights, student mothers also face an entirely different challenge of having to balance both their studies and being a parent. As a student mother herself, Ehlie Roxas (II, AB-CAM) says, “Among the most challenging would be scheduling, getting work or assignments done at home while simultaneously taking care of my daughter and recovering from my pregnancy.” Having to constantly switch between being a student and a young mother is no easy feat, as Tina Lim (IV, BS-ADV) explains, “Last term, my mom got dengue, and no one was there to take care of my daughter.” She had to miss two weeks of school to take care of her.
Balancing parenthood and preparing for their careers make student mothers seriously rethink their plans for the future. And no matter what generation, women have had to deal with society’s judgment and they have made the best out of their situation. Anne Ferrer (OCM-MKT, ‘95) was in the midst of doing her undergraduate thesis for Organizational Communication when she found out she was pregnant with her first daughter. At first, the discovery made her feel like she needed to rush through the rest of her student life. “But as life went on, I realized I had to enjoy the moment while my child is growing up with me. Kailangan ko maging maayos, [magkaroon ng] direksyon so that I will be a suitable adult for my daughter to be with,” she confessed.
(I need to be a decent person, someone who has direction.)
Uncalled-for criticism
With an already tremendous weight on their shoulders, these young mothers also have to deal with the judgment and unavoidable prejudice from others. More often than not, they have been crucified for having a child at such a young age—they are not strangers to comments like “sayang yung pagkabata” (waste of youth) and “ayan kasi hindi ginamit yung utak” (look what happened because she didn’t use her head).
It is all the more heartbreaking when comments such as the ones aforementioned are spoken by those who were supposed to be the most understanding. Ehlie recounted when she informed her parents of her pregnancy, “My own parents—my mother in particular, heaped all the curses a religious woman could heap on my head: sinner, disgusting, whore, traitor, disgrace, disappointment. [She said] that I would end up [as] nothing.” When her own flesh and blood turned her away, Ehlie sought comfort from her friends, her partner, and his family, citing that they were the support group she never had. Tina had a more fortunate experience with her parents, although she admits that she encountered judgment from strangers.
“At first, I really let it get to me. I got really sad because it made me feel like my life was over,” she shares.
Anne’s experience during her time in college did not differ much from Tina’s. More often than not, the comments would come from students who had limited knowledge about the situation but were still quick to judge. Looking back, she narrated, “The other students would talk about you and make assumptions about your personality.” Luckily, her close friends were there to provide support while she was studying—even going the extra mile by strategically arranging their schedules to ensure that someone was always free to help her.
Factoring in university life
In preparation for their transition into motherhood, Ehlie and Tina had to file for a leave of absence (LOA) from the University. Both women found themselves thankful for the due consideration given by the University since Ehlie was able to retain her scholarship and Tina was given a full refund for the classes she dropped.
Although the University has already taken steps to support students like Ehlie and Tina, there is still room for possible improvement. “While little can be done to erase society’s stigma, I believe that what student-parents need the most is a secure support group. [They could also consider] possibly opening an option to bring children on campus and into class with the agreement and approval of the professors,” Ehlie suggests. Tina echoes these sentiments as she thought back to a term when her classes lasted from early in the morning until late at night, causing her to miss spending significant time with her daughter. Still, they acknowledged that there are other factors to consider before a policy like that could be formalized, such as the comfort of their peers and classmates.
Even so, Ehlie and Tina are still doing their best to strike a balance between studies and motherhood. “I don’t think I got it yet, but I’m getting there,” shares Tina truthfully. With young daughters to look after, both women have admitted to having their goals and outlook in life drastically change, which has actually helped them to try and find better footing in the world. “My previously unstable, unsure plan for the future has surprisingly stabilized, as I contemplated what would work out best for what I realistically wanted to achieve,” Ehlie explains.
Strong, not ‘sayang ’
Going through the motions, the young mothers had also unconsciously embarked on a path of self-discovery, realizing their inner strength and believing in their capability to overcome virtually anything and everything. With that in mind, Tina goes on to say that, “Personally, I don’t think we’re ‘sayang’, because our lives didn’t stop the moment we had children.” Anne can attest to the statement, “At least at one point in my life, I was brave enough to take on a big responsibility by myself. I made the best decision to allow the life in me to live.”
Young or not, students or not; these women are mothers all the same. It does not matter how old they are or what professions they are in, because the love they have for their children transcends everything else.
They should be praised for their dedication to themselves by continuing with their studies and career, and raising their children.
