My whole life, I was convinced that it was only I who knew myself completely. All the necessary forms of conviction and affirmation came from my own words, my own thoughts. With this in mind, I expressed myself in ways that I thought were comfortable and most definitely real. However, there was a time when I questioned this certainty of my identity and self, leading me to further and deepen my own understanding of who Ramon—or as most people call me, Dab—really is. Even the most certain of things, after all, possess the slightest degree of precariousness.
I am bisexual, and my way of having to affirm this was through coming out to my friends, to my colleagues, and to my family. Coming out, for me, was a way to accept the truth that might have been buried a long time ago without me knowing. It was a form of enlightenment on a personal level. Back then, it was what I needed most—clarity amid the confusion of what to really label myself and where I classify myself in the spectrum of sexual and gender identity. Most notably, it was never required of me, despite my then misconception that it was.
Looking back, I try to recall as to why I came out in the first place. The reason? For people to see me the way I see myself. It was never to normalize myself in society, nor was it to falsely empathize with the oppressed and discriminated LGBTQ+ community.
My coming out was sacred to me, the way prayers and rituals are deemed as such by devotees and believers. The narrative was securely mine and that of the LGBTQ+’ community—and perhaps should stay as such. This right belongs only to those that are to rid themselves of the chains built by stigma and lack of acceptance of the LGBTQ+. It’s just as an much an entitlement as heterosexuals having a right to explain that they’re straight.
Popularly, especially among members of society not needing this practice, “coming out” is the LGBTQ+’s “right of passage” to society’s circle of normativity, which, as I have realized, should not be made out as a requisite. This deed is perceived as something necessary for the LGBTQ+ to standardize ourselves, all because the societal norm are just the two genders, male and female, based on the two sexes.
It should be clear to all that it is not a compulsory and mandatory action. To “clarify” one’s identity is not for the benefit of one’s peers, no matter their relationship to you; it is solely for one’s self, for one’s own comfort and peace of mind. “Coming out of the closet,” “taking off the mask,” “letting one’s hair down”—whatever it’s called—is more than just societal affirmation. In my belief, it resonates more with “joining into a society of peers”, rather than announcing to the wider society your sexual orientation while awaiting their acknowledgment.
It might have taken long for me to acknowledge that some action and effort must be done and exerted so that I could arrive at this point of complete acceptance and enlightenment. But I guess what’s important is that I’ve come to that point now. It felt as if it took me half of my lifetime, as if it needed all the strength I then had and more. But now that I see myself the way I want, now that I know myself the way I should, now that I accept that coming out should not be antagonized, it’s as if all the light in the rainbow has brightly shone on me.
Coming out should never be established as a requirement to affirm one’s queerness, whether one chooses to acknowledge it or not. It simply is a queer deed and action. My way of showing Pride is sincerely Dab’s, and I intend to preserve it, and be as out there as possible.
