Beauty always lies in the eye of the beholder. Coming in different shapes, sizes, and appearances, it isn’t confined to a single gender either. Bisexuals know this very well: they see beauty in more than one gender.
Bisexuality, at its core, means experiencing attraction to both men and women. As such, the traits people find attractive often overlap. The lines between masculinity and femininity blur, as liking someone arises without the need for clear-cut labels. However, this sexuality isn’t exempt from its own tribulations and social pressures—both within and outside the queer community. Even when discourse might make labels feel closer to boxes, bisexuals continue to champion the fluidity and validity of sexuality in all its manifestations.
Embracing your truth
Bisexuals often discover and reaffirm their sexuality in different ways. Some have always known; others arrive at it through reflection. Each follows a distinct path toward understanding how—and whom—they can love, regardless of gender or sexuality. For Bea* (III, BS-PSYC), it’s all thanks to her “ambiguous” upbringing. “My family was really into watching TV…[but] no one was there to tell me what’s right or wrong,” she says, sharing how she knew early on that she was attracted to women after developing a crush on a female character.
On the other hand, Ren* (III, AB-PSM) found clarity in his community. He shares how friends from the community and his online spaces nurtured his growing and shifting preferences. “Early on, I was exposed to fandoms where people were part of the LGBTQ+ community, and [I] got to see their perspectives somehow.”
Yet, there are also instances where desires shift over time, underscoring the fluid nature of sexuality. Some people rediscover themselves after identifying differently at first.
Jirah Santos (I, AB-PSM) had long identified as a lesbian, having not felt attraction to men for some time. But her feelings eventually transposed when she realized she was still capable—and open—to romantic relationships with someone of the opposite gender. “I was scared that changing my identity would reinforce the misconception that being a lesbian or sapphic was merely a phase,” Santos acknowledges. “[But] I’ve come to accept that it’s my experience and life… Just because I’m attracted to a guy doesn’t negate my past attractions to girls.”
Which way to go
With bisexuality encompassing a large demographic, some view it as a transitional or exploratory identity—a gray area between being straight and gay. “I see that some people view bisexuality as a safe identity because we can still enter heterosexual relationships. But [the] term na ‘straight passing’ to me is dismissive of our queerness,” Santos asserts.
The notion of “passing” as heterosexual not only perpetuates the stereotypes around sexuality but also minimizes someone’s inherent queerness regardless of presentation. Bea supplies that she often acted boyish in junior high school just so her sexuality would be “taken seriously.” Santos adds, “It isn’t a safe identity at all.”
Even within queer spaces, bisexuals are still subjected to heteronormative standards of attraction. “[People] have this mindset that [Person] A is attracted to either B or C only, and hindi p’wede[ng] both,” Ren explains. This misunderstanding undercuts the very existence of the label. Santos emphasizes that the assumption is that there are only binary choices—straight or gay—but bisexuals don’t “choose” a side. They are choosing bisexuality itself.
More than a phase
“It’s not always the strong prince and the damsel in distress type of relationship; it’s not always the artsy gay couple,” says Ren, expounding on how no single narrative can perfectly define what it means to be bisexual. Validating bisexuality means accepting that it resists any fixed template, with relationship dynamics and individual experiences differing significantly from person to person.
After all, going beyond typical gender dynamics speaks to the heart of bisexuality. “I’m extremely grateful that being part of the LGBTQIA+ community grew as big as it is now,” Bea notes, “where even hyperfemme women are taken seriously [as not] straight.” With a more accepting community, she no longer feels the need to “look the part” or adopt a more masculine appearance just to be seen as queer.
Still, the journey to self-affirmation is rarely linear. Amid persistent misconceptions and stereotypes, Santos believes that confusion is a natural part of the bisexual experience. “There is no set criteria for being bisexual. How a bi person experiences their sexuality is theirs [alone] to judge,” she explains. Figuring out one’s identity is a personal and intimate journey, and moments of uncertainty and questioning are valid steps along the way.
From navigating stereotypes to finding comfort in queerness on one’s own terms, the bisexual experience is as diverse as the people who identify with it. Understanding bisexuality demands a conscious effort: to respect its complexities, reject the urge to impose binaries, and recognize that bisexuality is not about who someone is with, but who they are.
*Names with asterisks are pseudonyms.
This article was published in The LaSallian‘s June 2025 issue. To read more, visit bit.ly/TLSJune2025.
